Infertility: Sometimes The Best Way to Support is Through Silence

Updated: Jul 20, 2020

It is not just to live with the inner pain, frustrations and the feelings of being incomplete. Infertility issues go beyond of that , it is the mental struggle the one that overpass the physical pain. About ten in 100 (6.1 million) women in the United States ages 15–44 have difficulty becoming pregnant or staying pregnant. Out of 100 couples in the United States, about 12 to 13 of them have trouble becoming pregnant.

Getting pregnant can be a tricky business and for many couples experiencing infertility,conceiving is a lot harder that most people think. The struggle is more than real; divorces and anxiety cases numbers are rising everyday due to infertility issues.

For those that are living counting the days that complete a cycle, looking for any strange sign on your body that could tell that there is life inside of you or praying for a positive on a pregnancy test, you are not alone.

There are 2 types of infertility:

  • Primary infertility refers to couples who have not become pregnant after at least 1 year having sex without using birth control methods.

  • Secondary infertility refers who have been able to get pregnant at least once, but now are unable.

Every infertility issue is different, also they are managed different ways between couples, individuals and families. Even the fertility treatments are adjusted depending on the patient needs.

For the ones that are on this painful journey the worst part is to learn how to control the mind along with the feelings- is a parallel relationship and how to ignore the external factors that remind them the situation that they are living in. I have years of experience on my portfolio receiving end of unsolicited advice and opinions. Although these awkward comments mostly come from good intentions, they can hurt and leave childless women feeling misunderstood, judged, and often, in tears. As someone who’s struggled with the raw deal of childlessness, it’s especially isolating and a complicated grief that’s difficult to heal.

When I see women or couples without kids, I learned to not to ask or judge, respect their privacy is more valuable than anything, understand their grief in silence is the best way that you can help and inquire about their feelings or future plans just could cause more pain.

There are so many ways that you can just be present in someone’s life if you know that they are struggling, a simple ‘Hey, I’m thinking about you today” , is enough for them to understand the message behind: “I know what are you going through and I’m here if you need me.”

Whether a couple is childless by choice or struggling to conceive, suggesting that infertility is someone's fault is insensitive and there are so many questions and comments that we should avoid like;

· When are you guys going to get started?

· Are you pregnant yet?

· Who will take care of you when you’re older?

· When will you finally have kids?

· Why not just adopt?

· Your biological clock is ticking

· No worry just be relax. You'll get pregnant in no time.

· Since you don't have kids, you can afford a new car/remodeling project/vacation.

· Not having children is selfish

· You can be a mother to your friends’ kids

· Get Over it

· You Can Always Do IVF

· You're Lucky You Don't Have Kids

· Maybe You're Not Meant to Be Parents

· You Put Your Career in Front of Having a Family

· Whatever You Do, Don't Give Up. It'll Happen

Let’s be emphatic and turn inappropriate questions or comments in a positive support system, most helpful support involves just showing up, being open to your friend’s experience, and recognizing the power of your presence, no matter how silent your conversations may be.

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